People generally find it hard to talk about death. It is a subject that we tend to brush under the carpet or whisper about behind closed doors.
Sometimes it is hard to convey your feelings and thoughts to the bereaved, especially if it’s a close friend. You want to help but don’t know what to say or do to make a difference. At TheNextGoal our philosophy is to share what we know to inspire, encourage and support you as you go through all challenges and life hiccups. Death is no exception.
So, in that vein, in today’s post I would like to offer you a grief poem, I wrote – “Friendship” to give to my friend who lost her mother. My friend was in pain and I didn’t know what to say or do. So I wrote Friendship and gave it to her, to read in her own space and time.
Many moons later, my friend showed me the poem, she still carries it in her purse and when low reads it and feels better. So, if you know someone, maybe your best friend or close colleague who has recently loss a partner they may also appreciate you sharing this poem. If you are interested in finding out more about grief and loss here’s my personal reflection on grief
How Do You Carry On Living After Loss?
For the person who has lost a loved one, life can feel dark and lonely. Depending on your religion and cultural norms you may be expected to “get back to normal” within 2 weeks, whereas other cultures allow you to grieve and gradually adapt to your changed situation.
No matter how successful, organised and proficient you are at work, when death calls you are taken back.
As a Yoga Teacher, students often confide in me, how stressed and tired they are from dealing with all the administrative tasks and legal matters resulting from their loss; they say that they don’t have the energy to focus at work, feel snappy with work colleagues and generally feel anxious and worried the whole time. This has a knock-on effect on their ability to concentrate which leads to a vicious cycle of fear and worry as the work piles up. Many feel unable to talk to their supervisors for fear of reprimand and work colleagues are too busy to cover for them.
How Do You Heal Painful Emotions?
The death of a loved one brings up all kinds of buried emotions, sometimes past hurts and perceived wrongs resurface, which can lead to physical ailments, headaches, stomach upsets and even chest pains.
As a friend, you may be aware of your best friend’s past yet still find it hard to listen to them when they talk about how guilty, sad or unhappy they feel. This may make you feel guilty as you want to support your friend to feel better and ease their pain.
Pain Is Locked In Your Body
Your body has a marvellous ability to heal itself, yet when you are locked in pain and hurt, your immune system is comprised and you are more prone to pick up minor bugs at work.
If left unchecked, grief can lead to depression. And I am sure you know someone who lost the will to live once their loved ones passed away.
If your best friend or work colleague is mourning and you feel lost about how to support them, please take a minute or two out of your daily routine, listen to them, offer them a cuddle or cup or tea, and just email or print out this poem and give it to them. Thank you.
C. Ntathu 2011
My friend, I see your heart filled with years of tortured pain
Your eyes heavy with the salt of the seas
Your arms weary, tired, aching from holding the grief of despair.
My friend, I hear your cry, the voiceless call into the stillness of the night,
frantically searching for answers, for peace, clarity, justice and understanding.
My dear friend,
I feel your pain, hurt and grief lying deep in the depths of your soul,
Fingers searching for that grain of hope, that glimpse of inner peace and light.
My friend, you are a child of the universe, know that I am here, others too
Watching over you from near and afar.
Know that you are not alone
Your call has been answered, your prayers for quiet, peace and tranquillity heard.
Know that the wings of the dove are blessing you
Carrying the message of everlasting peace, joy and light
To comfort and bless your soul.
My friend. I love you and am here for you.
I trust you and your friend find peace and companionship as you journey through another one of life’s challenges.
I believe everyone has a unique ability to heal and comfort someone, how have you supported your friend during their time of loss? How difficult or easy was it for you to offer them support, aid and comfort? I’d love to hear how your story. Please share your thoughts in the comment box below.
Call To Action
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Thank you. Take special care of you and keep on being a best friend.