post

Grief and Bereavement-A Personal Reflection On Grief

Welcome and thanks for taking the time to visit this page. I wish you a peaceful day.

The pain of death

Here at the NextGoal we like to offer you inspirational posts to support and encourage you to take the next step to achieve your goals. We believe everything is possible and with the right frame work, support, patience and focus you can achieve all you desire.

Life Gets In The Way

However, as you know; stuff happens. Life gets in the way.

Have you ever been in the situation, when everything is flowing then out of the blue something totally unexpected occurs? An event or situation throws you completely of track? What happens then?

How do you cope, for example, when someone you love unexpectedly dies? How do live your life and carry on when someone you love dies?

How do you “get over” the loss of someone you love?

Everyone’s Experience of Grief is Unique

If you have lost someone, can you remember how you felt? Did you feel angry or guilty that you are alive whilst your loved one is dead? Or maybe you felt feel a sense of relief. Grief, how you response to loss varies from person to person.

My Experience of Grief

From personal experience, I know the sting of death. I felt sadness, pain and hurt. I remember feeling helplessness and fearful as I watched my dear younger cousin die and then just as I was “coming to terms” with Sherry’s death, the icicles formed around my heart when my brother died. And when I miscarried I cried silent tears and pretended everything was alright.

Everyone’s experience of grief is unique and personal to you. So what I feel, how I coped may be totally different from you.

Learning Through Grief

It was through my pain and loss that I regained my focus, my faith and desire to be more of who I am; it was through my sadness that I found the courage to leave my three daughters at home for 6 weeks whilst I travelled to India to train as a yoga teacher; it was through my desire to honour myself that I chose to resign from my safe job as a Probation Officer to “seek my bliss” as a Yoga Teacher and now its though journaling my grief that I wish to turn my passion for writing to inspire others, who may be mourning to find a sense of inner peace and maybe comfort in their grief. If you know someone, maybe a colleague or best friend who is mourning, you might wish to share the “Friendship” poem I wrote for my friend when her mother died.
Yoga and Journaling Got Me Through

Throughout all of my adventures, yoga and writing have been my steadfast friends and guide. It is through my yoga practice, breathing exercises and meditations that I found the strength, connections, support and love to rebuild my life. As a working mother it is rich to have the choices I now have – to wave my girls goodbye when they go to school and to be home when they get home, that’s priceless.

And on days when I feel crappy and low, my personal yoga practice and joy of writing strengthens my faith, keeps my mind open, my body flexible and gives me an inner glow.

My Gift To You Today…

Part of goal setting, is to pause, take stock and review how far you have come, and of course to celebrate your success. For me, having the courage to write and share my words is part of my celebration, part of my growth, sharing and healing. In that light I would like to share with you a poem I wrote a while back which shows me how far I have come and how far I still have to go.

My Life

I am not dead, so why speak about my life
I am not dead, so why write about my life?
..its because I am alive I have to write.

My breath is so precious
It’s my link with you, my brother and my sister

The breath of life
The kiss of life
I have had both
I have seen both
And know I live with both.

That was then
Now I am acknowledging the power of life over death

I used to be haunted by images of death
Now, its love’s light that I see.

My light, is so powerful
I bask in it’s glory.
As Brother Nelson said
“its our light which most frightens us”

But the fear is still there.

What is this cold, runny-feeling-in-my-tummy/

Only me – running away from myself.

What Next?

We are all works in progress. Stuff happen; people die and leave us behind. Friendships change, relationships break down. Yet each and every one of us has the choice to pause, to reflect, carry on or stay caught up in our grief.

Our desire at the NextGoal is to serve as a catalyst for change, to be a portal where you can come, when stuff happens and you need that extra boost and quiet support and knowledge that whatever the situation, there is light at the end of the tunnel. All you have to do, is breathe and take the next baby step.

I wish you well and every joy on your next adventure.

And if you found this post useful please share and forward to your friends and family, you never know who’s heart you touch when you share.

I’d also love to hear from you. Maybe you have something special to share about your grief journey that affects how you are today. Kindly leave your comments in the comment box below.

Thank You

Image-with thanks-Michelle Brea

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

About Ntathu Allen

Yoga Teacher, Blogger and mum to three bubbly teens, I aspire to support, educate and encourage busy mums and working women to weave moments of calm into their hectic schedule.

About Ntathu Allen

Yoga Teacher, Blogger and mum to three bubbly teens, I aspire to support, educate and encourage busy mums and working women to weave moments of calm into their hectic schedule.

Comments

  1. Powerful. Thank you for opening up and sharing, x

  2. Thank you Ntathu. These are wise and beautiful words

  3. Thanks for sharing, Ntathu. I find that writing out the pain helps a lot if you are grieving. That, and forcing yourself to remember that you are still here and have to fulfil your own purpose.

    • Thats the magic and turning point –remembering we are still here to fulfil our own purpose. I find my most powerful transitions/growth occurs when I am down and choice is to rise or to sink. Thankfully through grace of god, good friends and inner drive..I rise. Thanks Sharon for passing by, reading and commenting. Take care

  4. thanks Ntathu. I met a wonderful woman at a women & leadership conference this week. Lindy, from Kenya, lost both her parents to AIDS when she was just 14, leaving her responsible for her brothers. When the audience stood to applaud her, many of us with tears on our faces, Lindy said she did not want our pity for out of her pain had come power. Power to overcome and ‘build a bridge of hope’ for all women mistreated in Kenya. Lindy is now running for office and is part of Project for Africa (www.projectforafrica.org). I was so totally inspired by her, especially when I spoke with her afterwards, she said she knows her mother smiles on her and says ‘Look at my wonderful daughter, changing Kenya!’. Power out of pain indeed.
    Peace to you, Jackie x
    JACKIE O’CARROLL recently posted..Living in the face of dyingMy Profile

  5. Thanks for sharing this Ntathu, and for opening up to your readers.

    I very recently attended a wake, a funeral and a burial, and while I knew the person, who had passed away, I mainly attended these for my friend; it was important for me to be there for her, and provide her with whatever she needed: a smile, a hug, a tissue, a chat, a moment of silence… As I stood at the back of the church, I became increasingly emotional, and while, the service was indeed very special, there was also something else; as I stood there, I accessed some memories, of the last funeral I had attended, and even though, it had been years, emotions and tears flowed right back, in a second. In these circonstances, it is important to be surrounded, and to believe… Min before that happened, I had given my last tissue to a “stranger”, who needed it, and as I started crying myself, another “stranger” handed me a tissue. I wanted to share this as I think, there is such beauty in this, and while it might be small, these moments are precious.

    As, for goal setting, you know I can only agree with you ;-) “pause, take stock and review how far you have come, and of course celebrate your success.”
    Frederique Murphy recently posted..Lights, Camera, Action!My Profile

    • Bless you Frederique…exhale..what a powerful moment (giving and receiving of the tissue) those are the sort of magical happenings which confirm you are alive and on point…especially when you are aware and acknowledge the moment..lots of goosebumps moments with this post…all good. And yes..you always remind me re the value of celebrating..take care Frederique and thanks for sharing and passing by

  6. A year and 9 months ago, I lost both of my chronically ill parents within 3 days – one of them after a long and painful decline, and the other following suddenly and unexpectedly. Suddenly it was me – alone, as the caregiver for my older mentally disabled brother. My previous life of unstructured structure – the full-time-plus job of caring for Mom and Dad – was catastrophically over, and I was faced with a new… something.

    In the fog and chaos of the following months, I learned three things:

    1. Grief is incomplete without mourning. I never had the time to mourn – I was too busy with my brother, the estates, and the million things that I would have never thought of, and will never remember. If I would have taken the time, I would have ended up in much better shape.
    2. I needed structure to keep in touch with myself. Losing myself in my thoughts wasn’t cutting it. I was lucky enough to find a book – The Jesuit’s Guide To (Almost) Everything – which introduced me to the Examen, a simple (and adaptable) nightly exercise to review the day’s activities and events, look at them within the context of my feelings, and gather he strength to apply “best practices” to the next day.
    3. Look for the good things, no matter how small. That was the hardest thing – but in time, I was able to appreciate them as they happened, not at the end of the day when I thought back on them.

    A good fit for everyone? Nope – your mileage may vary. Perfect? No chance – I’m still damaged goods, but the cracks have started to fill in and/or weather away. But I am convinced that if I had just rolled over, the grief would have washed me away… benefitting no one. Accepting it and working with it helped me get through it.

    And when any (all) of you start that trip… I hope you’re accompanied with comfort, grace, and peace.

    Mny thx to Holly J. for bringing this blog to my attention.

    • Bruce, has it really been a year and nine months?? That seems like only yesterday. You truly honor your mother and father, in everything you do. I know that they must have been so proud of you, and would be so glad of the way you take care of your brother, and how loving you both are to each other.

      I think it’s #2, there, that I need help with – I’m pretty good at #3. Okay, maybe I need help with #1. I just put that off, sometimes for years, and just when I think I’ve escaped… yeah. Hits like a speeding Mac truck going 90 and t-bones you when you least expect it. I need to not do that. But I think I’ve got #3 down to an art. At least if seeing the humor in everything is close enough to seeing the good.

    • Bless you Bruce-your story and words touched me…thanks for sharing. Yes grief and mourning are so vital to recovery..I like your expression that the cracks are filling in-that what it feels like–slowly slowly. I like your three strategies, finding the good in life and taking time to mourn is so essential, and #2 I like the idea of looking at life in the context of your feelings. In yoga you are encouraged to get in touch with what is happening internally as you practice and it does help you to get back in your body, to feel grounded and less associated with the busy mind. Thanks for sharing Bruce and thumbs up to Holly for sharing with you

  7. Ntathu thanks for those personal and thoughtful words on thesubject of grief. Many people choose not to talk about it and possibly miss the growth that we get because of it. Sharing is really caring, so it’s good to have messengers like you in our community “….And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” ~ Marianne Williamson
    Blessings sister.
    Donovan
    Donovan Grant recently posted..Creative Children: Could Your Child Have The Solution For The World?My Profile

  8. Writing definitely helps me, Ntathu. Poetry or prose.

    Cheers,

    Mitch

  9. Ntathu,

    Thanks for sharing this! I like your poem.

    Cheers,

    Mitch

  10. beautiful!

Speak Your Mind

*

CommentLuv badge